Saturday, March 12, 2011

Kat Lady: An introduction

This being my first post, I guess I should be a good kitty and introduce myself and my life. I live in a medium sized town, in a medium sized state in a...wait for it.... ha! You're wrong! A SMALL house. Miniscule really... just barely enough room for two adults and three cats. Usually.I live a pretty typical life except for a few things. 1. I'm bi-polar. This should make for some very interesting posts! 2. I was raised by a category 5 hoarder. Nope, no issues from 3. I am multi-racial. I sometimes feel like the result of a racial blender. 4. I'm adopted. From Wendy's. Seriously. 5. I married a very interesting person. Life is always better when you choose to spend it with interesting people.

Sooooo.....Let's just kick this off then...

I am a social butterfly. I spend copious amounts of time with people....mainly because I can't stand being alone. Oh, and I like being with my friends. My mother has some kind of innate ability to know when I'm having fun, and an immediate buzzkill button. It's called SEND on her cellphone.

This is a typical conversation with mom.

My phone rings.... I groan when I see caller ID because I KNOW what's about to ensue.


Me: Yes, Mom...

Mom: Can you type a paper for me? (Let me interject, my mother has gone back to community college after 30 years, and does not know a mouse from a USB.)

Me: How long is it?

Mom: It needs to be 600 words. It's for the school paper. (I cringe...this means I have to actually spend time editing it down from her 5 pages of written notes to 600 words.)

I now interrupt this blog to insert a sample written word for word from my mother's notes.

"Children do learn what they live. Kids whatch us all. We all are examples. Do you want to be a gl (?) block to them?"

What I wrote- "Children learn from what we show them. We need to be good examples instead of stumbling blocks for them."

OH the IRONY!!!!

Me: Let me see what I'm doing this week. Bring it by and I'll try to fit it in. (praying for something to come up)

Mom: Ok. Have you heard from brother? (who moved away for a better job and some freedom)

Me: No, mom, he doesn't call me. ( Sometimes he shows up when he comes through town. He made me promise not to tell her when he comes through.)

Mom: How about daddy? You know he always has his phone off, and he never spends time with me, and I just don't know if I can take it anymore.

Me: uh-huh (approximately at this point is when I check out until she runs out of steam)

Mom: He snores! He sleeps all the time! He doesn't shower! (Yes, he does shower, he does snore, and he sleeps because he works 50 to 60 hours a week at a welding shop to give HER money to buy things to hoard.)

Me: mmm.

Mom: How's the weather? (she lives 15 minutes away)

Me: good. It snowed out west though.

Mom: Oh, how did you hear that? (facepalm inserted here...seriously?)

Me: The news, mom. I heard it on the news.

Mom: oh, ok. You let me know if daddy calls you.

Me: Ok, bye Mom.

Mom: hangs up.

Those who know my mother know this is just a tiny bit of what she's capable of. I'm sure there will be plenty of stories featuring Hurricane Shirley.

Well, that's about it for today...tomorrow we will converse about my husband and fur children.

-Kat Lady