Monday, April 25, 2011

Feet. Eww.

I hate feet. Specifically I hate my husband's feet. And especially after he's been standing on them for 8 hours or so. Unfortunately, that is exactly when he wants me to pay attention to them. The moist and smelly monstrosities at the end of his legs make me want to dive into a bucket of sanitizer after I touch them. I mean, I can't refuse to rub them, he works all day and I am sure those puppies are yelping.

His feet are not the only ones I have a problem with. I have a classification system for feet, ranging from cute and pretty to hobo chic to OMG EWW!!!

Some feet are not disgusting. These usually belong to infants, toddlers, and foot models. They fall into the cute and pretty category. I have never seen a foot model with a callous. Of course baby feet are everything is adorable. (except vomit and poop)

Then there are the feet I like to refer to as "hobo chic." You can find these feet on hippies, farm girls, and young boys. Hippies tend to run around without shoes, so their feet are usually dusty or really tan, sometimes very callused. Farm girls have hardworking feet, but take care of them when the work is done, so they are usually in ok shape. Young boys tend to spend more time outside digging up worms and other gross things than inside, so their feet are usually fair to middling gross.

And then you have the OMG EWW's. These generally belong to big hairy men, big hairy women, and teenage boys. Big hairy men and women tend to have big hairy jobs, so they are on their feet a lot in boots. Boots do not make for a smell friendly environment. Teenage boys are a category upon themselves. They have so many new smells and hairs that they tend to forget their feet are getting rank.

There is one category I left until last, just in case you are eating. If so, come back later after you have digested your dinner. Ok, you've been warned.

The final category is rotting off at the ankle. These feet belong to those people you see on the internet with the super overgrown toenails and excessive toe jam. I honestly do not know how someone could let their feet get that bad, and I would think that they would need some sort of foot removal surgery to cure it.

I would post a picture, but I really don't want you to ruin your keyboards with what's left of your dinner. Just trust me, the feet I found on google images have scarred me for life.

(On a side note, check out my friend Gay Guru's blog...give him some love. Gay Guru's blog )

To Toejam, Athletes Foot, and Gold's Foot Powder,

Love and Laughter,
-Kat Lady