Monday, April 4, 2011

I'm Bi-Winning!!!

Yes, being bi-polar is a serious subject, and it is a mental illness. However, as I am a card-carrying member of the bi-polar community I have decided that I have the express permission to make fun of it and myself. So if I offend you, please complain loudly to everyone you know on the internet. No publicity is bad :)

Ok, so yes, I'm bi-polar. I live my life in one of two very different modes. There's Rabid Squirrel Mode, and Eeyore. Now I admit the meds have created a decidedly less intense experience in either mode, but they are still there, and they are FAHHHHBULOUS!!! Unless I hate it. You see what I mean...

Rabid Squirrel Mode (or RSM) is always fun. I usually get into trouble in this mode though. RSM causes me to encourage myself to attempt things that E Mode would think impossible. Some examples, you say?

One night in college while in RSM I went to Walmart with a friend. Now Walmart is normally overwhelming, but imagine the experience when everything is sped up and shiny. Yes, it was like a carnival of colors, sounds, smells, and tastes! I decided we should grocery shop "Extreme Style!!!!" I convinced her to go to the aisle just left of the one I was in. I grabbed a box of cookies and yelled, "BUCKET!!!!" as loud as I possibly could- to warn of incoming missiles. (My friend CD will remember that phrase from a former Walmart trip...see what you did???) After I was sure she heard me, I hurled that box of cookies over the shelves and theoretically right into the cart. I heard a thud, and an elderly voice say, "What in the daylights?" rather dazedly. I knew the proverbial crap had hit the fan at that point. Suddenly, there was security, looking rather nonplussed at my Herculean attempt. There was no humor as they escorted us both to the security office. "Ma'am, what exactly were you trying to prove out there?" I looked sheepish and said I was curious if it would cut our grocery shopping time down. He informed me that I could be charged with assault- I told him that technically the Keebler elves should be charged with the assault. He didn't find that as funny as I did. The police were called to give me a breathalyzer because apparently sober people do not try to pin crimes on fictional elves. I passed, apologized to the lady, bought her groceries, promised to never do it again, and she declined to press charges. I swore my friend to secrecy and we drove back to the conservative Christian college I attended.

So yes, RSM is dangerous, especially when un-medicated. But Eeyore Mode (E Mode) is just ridiculous. In E Mode, I am terribly afraid of EVERYTHING. As I said, everything is intensified in either mode. In college, we decided to watch Stephen King's IT. I am not a fan of any horror movie, but add in an already healthy fear of clowns, and you have hysterical nightmares and paranoia. For 3 nights after I innocently sat down to watch a movie with my friends I refused to walk anywhere alone on campus, locked myself in my dorm room, and made my friends promise to warn me if they saw any clowns lurking about. I know, this sounds like schizophrenia, but I have a very VIVID imagination, and I was immature for my age. So anyway, I still harbor a fear of clowns, but it's not as bad as it could be, thanks to my friends deciding to be nice and not tease me with fake clown sightings. Small favors, right?

Once I got on medication, the two modes evolved into a more subdued Eager Terrier Mode, (ET Mode) and Pout Mode (P Mode). Now I just get overexcited over stupid things, and/or grumpy about stupid things. You know, like most

Anyway, I love being bi-polar. Did I mention I hate being bi-polar? :) In the words of Charlie Sheen I leave you.


Love and Laughter,
-Kat Lady