Saturday, May 5, 2012

How much is that weenie in the window???

I vaguely apologize for my long absence. I could make excuses, I could lie, I could grow an extra, wait not that last one. Really, I just stopped finding myself interesting enough to write about, let alone read about. Now I'm on a better dosage of my psych meds and possibly may be humorous again. Or not. Whatever works for you.

I'm back and I've got some real ringers to share with you, involving my husband lusting for a cabinet and some weiner-related collectables to fill it with. If you read back to my post on reality television you will note that I am a true reality junkie. Recently, some of the shows have captured Das Bear's attention. One of these shows is Interior Therapy with Jeff Lewis. The most recent episode featured a couple named Adam and Yvonne. (Yeah, really.) She was gung-ho to move in after their committed relationship of an immense 5 months. Yeah, Yvonne, see me in another 9 years or so. Anyway, this jackwagon (Adam) has a curiously large collection of dicks. Yes, penises, weiners, wangs, jackwillies, etc. He had so many phallus related items that he needed to store them in a glass fronted cabinet. That's right...a "straight" man had so many dick-related replicas he had to buy them a cabinet. I wonder how it goes at his house parties. "Welcome, let me show you around...there's the kitchen, with the new stove, the dining room with the gigantic table, and my piece d'resistance- my collection of cocks.

Of course, he was totally connected to these one-eyed willies, and demanded they be carefully stored. To me it seemed he may have been a little too concerned about his penises, and not concerned enough with the (YOGA INSTRUCTOR) vagina that was willing to permanently pay attention to his (attached) flesh wand. Anyways, I commended what a dick (ironic, eh) this guy was, and my husband said something that stopped me in my tracks.

Me: That guy's a dick. I totally hate him.

Das Bear: I like his weiner cabinet. You CAN'T hate a guy that collects weiners.

It was at this point that he and I both concluded this dude was so far in the closet that he needed to collect dicks. Did I mention the dude had this really weird obsession with Mr. Rogers' sweaters and giant bowties? I can't think of a straight man who'd wear that inside his house, let alone on television. To cement our view, the camera cut to his "girlfriend" outside doing yoga. The woman was literally balanced on her arms with her legs in the air out to the side. This led to another discussion on his sexuality.

Das Bear: He's got be gay.

Me: Why?

Das Bear: If a woman like that wanted to move into my house I'd be like "and where would you like your yoga studio? My man cave? Have at. I'll build a treehouse in the back yard to drink beer and watch man shows.

Me: Wow. Just wow.

So, yes, at the end of the show Yvonne decided she really didn't like being the bitch in the relationship and ended it with Adam. I hope he's happy when he finds his true (man) love.

And also, my husband wants a cabinet so he can collect penises. Yep, that sounds good to me, as long as I get the bottom shelf for all the colorful rubbery ones....;)

Love and Laughter,
-Kat Lady