Thursday, April 7, 2011

Brutal Honesty: The cure for Creative Lying.

My therapist and I have been discussing how I deal with situations. Beyond the fact that I am notoriously bad at expressing my feelings, I do something I like to call "Creative Lying." I can't just lie outright, there must be reasons and stories, to make it as complicated as possible. All because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Meanwhile, the soul sucking effort of trying to find a way to be nice is killing me!

How do you tell someone that their baby looks like an alien without totally insulting them and losing your friendship? Creative lying. We all do it, as being Politically Correct is more important than being honest. So instead of saying  "I think I saw your baby in Men In Black!" you say "Your baby looks out of this world!" Why not be honest and say, "your baby isn't cute yet, but I bet he/she will be when they grow into their skin." Or at the very least "What an INTERESTING baby!"

I can't just say "What an INTERESTING baby." I have to say "What an INTERESTING baby! He/She looks just like Daddy/Mommy, or even Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie (Who I imagine were VERY ugly babies as they only had 3 of their own after adopting a country or two.). " Way overboard. At this point they are staring at their babies from about every angle possible to see the resemblance. There is none.

Sometimes we lie creatively just to release ourselves from uncomfortable situations. Once, while we were at a couple's house, they began to fight. All out screaming, crying, pointing fight. At that point we needed to get out of there, so we told them we were late for dinner and scrammed. What we should have told them is that their embarrassing outburst made us uncomfortable, so we decided to leave. Or, "you're bitchfest is mighty loud, partners! Take it to the O.K. Corral and shoot it out already!" I mean it was like an afterschool special on fighting!

So I've decided, brutal honesty is going to be my cure for creative lying. Someone asks me if I like their dog, I say "No, it looks like a miniature version of Jabba the Hut." I know it sounds cruel, but it's better than lying constantly to spare someone's feelings. If I sound like a bitch, yeah, I am. I've come to terms with it, and moved to bigger and better things. *Looks up for falling house*

The only person I will have trouble with being brutally honest with is my mother. Creative lying keeps me from having to think about removing her organs one by one with a razor blade and my bare hands. "Sorry, Mom, I can't type your homework because your homework looks like it was written by a blind monkey in the midst of throwing poo." Or, "I cannot type your homework because I have a LIFE. You've made it this far, LEARN TO TYPE!" But instead of ripping her to shreds, I say "When do you need it? I haven't been feeling well so it may take a while..." As you can all tell, I have no problem with word count or time constraints. I could type it in 30 minutes. I just don't want to.

So, creative lying out, and brutal honesty in. I am looking forward to being punched in the face several times this I'll update you and we'll see how this goes.

To being brutally honest and taking blows to the head!

Love and Laughter,
-Kat Lady