To make a long story short- lately I have been punctuating all of my actions with farts. I'm like an animal who startle farts at any passing noise. I'm not sure what's causing it, but it can be downright embarrassing!
I used to make fun of those ladies in the grocery store, you know, the ones who fart every time they take a step...Now I am one! As I approach my 29th birthday I have begun to realize that my body is rebelling and is currently attacking with chemical warfare. I have tried to change my diet, cut out soda (that was NOT pretty) and eat more fiber. Still farting, only they smell worse!
Yes, I have been visited by the Flatulence Fairy. She may be better known as the Farting Avenger. I have come to terms with the fact that passing gas is neither lady-like nor socially acceptable.
I have begun looking for things to blame the noise/smell on when it happens. When I am at home, sometimes I blame a cat. While at the grocery store if I'm lucky, an old lady will be in the aisle and I can blame it on her. Just not the one I hit with the cookies...
So yes, I am a habitual farter. I can clear a car in under 5 minutes if I have eaten bran cereal for breakfast. I'm kinda proud of that. I am married, so I don't have to worry about scaring off any dates, and as far as farting around my husband- well the shine wore off that penny long ago. We don't even shut the door when we poo anymore.
So fellow farters, stand up with me and acknowledge that gas happens! Let us celebrate the Flatulence Fairy's blessings and know that at least our bowels work. No longer shall we be ashamed of that inevitable sound and smell. No longer shall we blame it on the dog! We shall stand tall and exclaim in the words of many a frat boy, "Smell that? That's what famous smells like!"
To Flatulence Fairies and Farting Avengers,
Love and Laughter,
-Kat Lady
The random musings I manage to pull out of my slightly damaged mind. Also, humor may be involved.
