Friday, May 20, 2011

Left after the rapture money making ideas...

So I know this is horrible, but as the world is (reportedly) ending this weekend, I have come up with some money making ideas for those of us not lucky enough to make the cut.

1. Post Rapture Pet Care- (This one came from my cousin's cousin.) With 1000 dollars down, I will take care of your pets post rapture. If you are unlucky and miss the cut also or the rapture doesn't happen, I will pay you 500 dollars back. (I get to keep 500 dollars because of your stupidity.)

2. Post Rapture Real Estate- I figure a lot of nice homes will suddenly become available if/when the rapture comes, and I bet I could make some reasonable money from selling homes to the poorer people who normally couldn't afford a big house.

3. Post Rapture Religious Leader- I have a feeling that post rapture, many people will find religion. And probably pay lots of money for it. (Oh, wow, I sound like a sociopath....)

4. Post Rapture Prostitute- Again, many people will find religion. The rest will go hog wild.

5. Post Rapture Celebrity- Being one of the many left, I will make myself (in)famous and make money from doing things that aren't even remotely entertaining. (Oh, wait, the Kardashians have already nailed this one.)

So, should the rapture happen tomorrow, I am confident that I'll still be sitting here, enjoying my not-so-sinless life, and I'd like to let you know you can leave your pets with me...just leave 1000 bucks on your counter and a bright colored post-it on your door with the pet's name, age, and health info. And in the morning, as you peel the post-it from your door sheepishly looking for other paranoid people on your block, remember this: If a deity is going to take you to the beyond, it's not gonna be when you are expecting it. You can't tell a higher power when and how you are going to transcend. Unless you are in one of those weird suicide cults- in that case, avoid the red Kool-Aid. See you on the flip side, unless I don't.

To Rapture, and being Left Behind,

Love and Laughter,
-Kat Lady


  1. what about all the good clothes left behind from all the now naked fundamentalists who've been beamed up to the mother ship? not to mention all the cars..... I was hoping some crazy neighbors or relatives (yes I have that sort of relatives) would sign their car over to me. hahahaha but according to the prophecy we have until 6pmish tonight. Once these idiots realize they were WRONG, cognitive dissonance will set in, and they will simply claim the world was granted a reprieve due their vigorous prayers on behalf of all of us wicked sinners.

  2. I call dibs on shoes. But not high heels you can keep those. Since it's already after six my time I think my status is confirmed.

  3. Ooo...I'll take the high heels! :) Pass me the Jimmy Choo's!

  4. Annnd its Sunday please begin the Laughter now, oh and hope you didn't go out and spent that 500$ a person refund, looks they are getting it back.

  5. How about all of the Post Rapture Lawsuits?

    I'm sure that I could cook something up...I've had a lot of emotional distress, not to mention having chloroformed my cats and thus traumatized my kids. Oh, and where am I going to sleep now that I burnt my house down?