Saturday, April 23, 2011

How to be BFFs with an LGBTQ...AKA The fag hag.

As you all may have seen, I have a very diverse group of friends. Many of those friends are LGBTQ. For those of you who aren't sure what that stands for, it's Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Transexual and Queer. Those are all different types of homosexuality, and they are all ok with me. Having "collected" gay friends for a while, (they flock to me like moths to a flame) I have come up with several guidelines in becoming a successful fag hag. This is all meant in fun, and is not intended in any mean spirit.

There are many ways to meet your new gay best friend.

1. Any bar with Rainbow or Man Hole in the title. Also giant roosters as images on the sign.

2. Males who work at a lingerie store. I don't know any boss who would hire a straight man to help women choose their underwear.

3. Concerts. Specifically Barbra, Cher, or GaGa.  Also, Joan Crawford movies.

4. Video store. Renting Joan Crawford movies.

and finally,

5. The Grocery store. They are the ones comparing the size of the cucumbers and sniffing the melons for ripeness, not size.

Once you've met your gay, you now begin the process of becoming besties. My suggestions are late night brownie sundaes at Dairy Queen, followed by a morning working it off at the gym, or a Judy Garland and Bette Midler movie marathon.

If your gay is of the femme-ish variety, have a fashion show. You wouldn't believe how natural your new friend can be in your 4 inch heels. Go get Martinis and kvetch over the hotties on Survivor.

If your gay is of the masculine sort, take him to a football game and point out the butts on the players. Also, gymnastics and swimming are great to watch on TV.

So...now your gay is your bestie, and what do you do?

Introduce him to all of your friends! By this point he has given you a fashion makeover/under and it's time to release him to the rest of your buddies!

Remember, the best gay best friend is one you can share!  Also, don't confuse best friend with boyfriend. That's a common mistake. Their may be a guest post in the future about how to tell if your boyfriend is gay...so keep your eyes open!

To Queers, Steers, and Rainbows,

Love and Laughter,
-Kat Lady

5 comments:

  1. As one of Kat Lady's gays, I must say I have never been to a cher, gaga, or joan crawford anything.. I'm not even all that crazy for their music. I fall somewhere between the fems and the butchs so maybe that is why.... and I'm still waiting for my sundae at dairy queen. and you will never see me sniffing melons...lol

    all in all, an awesome post, with or without my Derry goodies.. :( LOL

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  2. BTW.... just a bit of additional advice for you aspiring "fag hags" we are not YOUR gays, YOU are OUR hags!! :) :P~~ and don't you forget it. *snap snap

    PEACE

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  3. Every straight girl should have at least one gay friend. We are the ones that will be completely honest with you about how you look. Don't ask your boyfriends if you look good, they will only lie to you in hopes of getting laid. When we tell you that you look good we mean it. And don't worry we're not hitting on you. We like dick we're not dead. We still know what looks good and what doesn't.LOL. Thomas does have one thing right. You are our fag hags not the other way around. LOL. Have a great day and may all your flames burn bright.LOL

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