My alternate reality (TV)

I admit it. I'm addicted. All you have to do is throw some moderately interesting people into an obviously contrived situation and let the cameras roll. I'm hooked. I am a snob about it though. If I watch the first episode and it seems too stupid, or sappy, or just too fist pumping-y (Jersey Shore anyone?) I only will watch it if there is absolutely nothing else on. But I still watch it. The more train-wreckish the show, the more I am hooked.

For example, I just watched America's Next Top Model. I don't think there is a better advertisement for teaching girls that they aren't enough without makeup, fashion and rocking hair. Mr. Kat Lady and I have come up with a controversial show to follow it on Wednesday nights. It's called "Eat a G-- D---- Sandwich and Have Some Self Esteem on the Side." And then there's the Bachelor. What lessons do little girls learn about love? Watching a busload of women discarded one by one for often ridiculously minor things teaches girls that they have to be Polly Perfect all the time. Can I pass out the Anorexia now?

And then there are the "Reality Competition" shows. These are my true addiction. Survivor, Big Brother, Amazing Race, and one that was on a now cancelled network that was called Solitary. I have to admit that the backbiting of the first two are a bit much, but then there are the characters you fall in love with from the minute you see them. Rupert, Sugar, Bob with the bowtie...you get the idea. And of course once I pick my favorites, I have to assign my villains. Russell, Richard Hatch, Parvati...(who came up with that name anyway? It sounds like something you would eat with meatballs and marinara.) By the point I have my favorites and my hate list, there's no going back. I am stuck watching them every week. I am a reality TV sheep.

If they asked me to be on any reality show, it would have to be The Amazing Race. I am ready and willing, CBS...just tell me when and where. I've already weeded my potential partner list to two: Mr. Kat Lady and my biker friend. I bet I could provide some great TV, but they'd probably have to bleep and blur a lot... Next thing you know, I'll be assaulting you with my wit via the boobtube!

I wish Solitary was still around. That was one trippy show. The whole premise was to put each contestant in a windowless room with no sleep, barely any food or water, and make them do ridiculous competitions until they gave up or went nuts. That's reality! (or Guantanamo Bay...)

Reality TV is a curse I continue to lay upon myself. It would help if they would stop coming up with new crazy premises that I get sucked into. Or maybe it would help if I turned off the TV...but everything DVRs anyway. I wonder if I could sell a cat reality show based on Three's Company...hmmm....off to draw that one up!
-Kat Lady