How to be BFFs with an LGBTQ...AKA The fag hag.

As you all may have seen, I have a very diverse group of friends. Many of those friends are LGBTQ. For those of you who aren't sure what that stands for, it's Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Transexual and Queer. Those are all different types of homosexuality, and they are all ok with me. Having "collected" gay friends for a while, (they flock to me like moths to a flame) I have come up with several guidelines in becoming a successful fag hag. This is all meant in fun, and is not intended in any mean spirit.

There are many ways to meet your new gay best friend.

1. Any bar with Rainbow or Man Hole in the title. Also giant roosters as images on the sign.

2. Males who work at a lingerie store. I don't know any boss who would hire a straight man to help women choose their underwear.

3. Concerts. Specifically Barbra, Cher, or GaGa.  Also, Joan Crawford movies.

4. Video store. Renting Joan Crawford movies.

and finally,

5. The Grocery store. They are the ones comparing the size of the cucumbers and sniffing the melons for ripeness, not size.

Once you've met your gay, you now begin the process of becoming besties. My suggestions are late night brownie sundaes at Dairy Queen, followed by a morning working it off at the gym, or a Judy Garland and Bette Midler movie marathon.

If your gay is of the femme-ish variety, have a fashion show. You wouldn't believe how natural your new friend can be in your 4 inch heels. Go get Martinis and kvetch over the hotties on Survivor.

If your gay is of the masculine sort, take him to a football game and point out the butts on the players. Also, gymnastics and swimming are great to watch on TV.

So...now your gay is your bestie, and what do you do?

Introduce him to all of your friends! By this point he has given you a fashion makeover/under and it's time to release him to the rest of your buddies!

Remember, the best gay best friend is one you can share!  Also, don't confuse best friend with boyfriend. That's a common mistake. Their may be a guest post in the future about how to tell if your boyfriend is gay...so keep your eyes open!

To Queers, Steers, and Rainbows,

Love and Laughter,
-Kat Lady

The elusive and captivating Vangina...

I have noticed a disturbing (read train wreck) trend in reality tv for the last few years.  While for a few years the reality tv community was focused on something I find captivating (LITTLE PEOPLE!)...recently I have been disappointed with the excessive amount of shows featuring a) multiple births and b) largely over producing families and c) multiple spouses.  While one or two shows featuring unique families of this nature is acceptable, the copy cat effect makes them completely nauseating to me.

She looks mighty comfy with those fake babies...

I call it the Vangina effect.  There are multiple versions of the Vangina  effect. First there is one time use Vangina, also known as the mini-Vangina (as in Ford Birthstar). The mini-Vangina is most often associated with the Octomom, Kate Gosselin, and Bobbi MacCaughey.

Another well known Vangina is the CaraVangina. Like a line of semis, this Vangina is in constant movement. (See Michelle Duggar) This particular Vangina disturbs me mostly because with each delivery the carbon footprint of the Vangina increases. (It is Earth Day after all...)

Ah-choo! Oooo...number 20!

Finally, the MovingVangina. This is associated mostly with fundamentalist polygamy and the show Sister Wives.  I see nothing wrong with them loving each other, but seriously, those kids are gonna need some therapy.

These shows are encouraging women to use their women parts as a long term parking lot. And I do have a problem with that. I understand different beliefs dictate different standards, but lets be serious. It's 2011, the world's already over-crowded, and it's gonna end next year anyway....:)

To less Vanginas and more responsible breeding practices.

Love and Laughter,
-Kat Lady