To the funny farm Jeeves!

I didn't get enough sleep today. And then I had to type a loosely coherent newspaper article for my mother. I may or may not be hallucinating that my cats are having a consensual sexual experience in the corner. Oh, no that's a hallucination. Moonie just looked at me and asked if I would mind looking somewhere else, then flipped me off. So yeah, that's gotta be my mind messing with me. I may even be writing this blog entry in a dream So anyway, if things seem off kilter it's because I only slept for 3 hours this morning.

At least I wasn't woken up by Evil Zombie Hand of the Apocalypse this morning. That was yesterday, and it was attached to my mother. Apparently 7:48 in the morning is appropriate calling time and 8 am is a good time to visit. Not in my world you old biddy! Grrr...

I got a new dress today though. My friend Biker Babe took me to Walmart and told me to buy the outfit I tried on this morning at 2 am with Owl and Mr. Kat Lady. I mean I tried it on while they were there, not actually WITH them...although they were having a blast holding up the bras and thongs to themselves while I changed. I swear, I can't take them anywhere! I also tried on an awesome swimsuit that I am picking up on Friday. It's 30 bucks, but its Catalina Suddenly Slimmer. I have a complex about my tummy. Mr. Kat Lady doesn't really care what size I am as long as I'm in good health, but I feel like I am carrying around an alcoholic Scotsman's beer belly.

I am now typing with one eye open. See what I do for you, my faithful readers? Good god this is hard to type with one eye open. Guess those high school typing classes finally paid off though...Thanks Mrs. Hanschewbacca....(What? she was REALLY hairy.)

Now I just need to find a use for Calculus. Yeah, THAT's gonna happen...lol. When I find a use I'll let you know.

Biker Babe and I also spent an inordinate amount of time at O'Reilly Auto Parts. Sorry, dude that was our cashier, you are probably better suited for a job at Walmart. As a greeter. I have seen mentally challenged people move faster and more coordinated than your lazy butt. Oh, and how's about actually having some kind of automotive knowledge? I've only been in automotive stores with my husband and with my dad, and I STILL schooled you on my friends car. Here's your sign. It says Slow Children Crossing.

Now don't get me wrong, I love mentally challenged people. My aunt (biological) is actually a member of that community. I've just never seen any of them give an excuse when something was hard. So O'Reilly's guy, pull up your panties and do your job.

I love retail. I used to work it. I am exactly the customer I hated to serve. At least I give a condescending smile though! Well, off to finish planning the anniversary weekend. Must hurry before Hurricane Shirley tries to get her hands in it.

To more sleep and less insanity,

Love and Laughter,
-Kat Lady

A little to the left of sane.

I have control issues. It's a well known fact in my circle of friends that surprises are not something I can handle. I must know exactly what is going on, and it must be planned within an inch of it's life. If not, I have a mini-stroke. This controlling behavior has led to a few very interesting situations.

When I am confronted with the inability to make a decision, I become a little uncomfortable. (read that as bitch.) In particular there is one word I hate to hear. SURPRISE. You want to surprise me? Oh, hell no. I am terrified of the "surprise" being completely underwhelming compared to the perfect scenario I have carved in my brain. And it usually is, as I have a flair for the dramatic. (Nah, that's not obvious if you have been reading my posts...)

Anyway, Mr. Kat Lady and I decided to go on a two night excursion to a nearby city. He was in charge (at least he thought so) of booking the hotel, and I was in charge of events and clothing. He mistakenly thought that by giving me a "project"  I would be out of his hair about the hotel. No sirree. I promptly sat down at the computer and pulled up all the hotels in the city, and ranked them by amenities and price. (and by my preference) This annoyed Mr. Kat Lady, as he had come up with the exact same list, and had wanted to *shudder* surprise me. My OCD (not Obsessive Compulsive, just Over Controlling) made him feel like I didn't trust him to find the right place for us. Well, to be honest, I didn't. Until I saw his list. Then I had complete confidence in his abilities. Now if he would have just shown me the list in the first place instead of me having to sneak it out of his pants pocket while he slept, things would have gone a bit easier. (I told you, sneaky and controlling...)

I called him at work and explained to him the prices I found for the hotels. This was highly upsetting to him and he told me so in a harsh whisper. (He actually said I will call you back when I can raise my voice. He wanted to call back to properly yell at me. lol) Now it probably didn't help that him whisper-yelling sounded so ridiculous that I began to giggle. Note to all: Giggling during a browbeating is highly discouraged. This just made him madder. And made me laugh more as I thought about how much he sounded like Donald Duck. He finally hung up on me while I was guffawing. I later called him back to apologize, but he was still very offended. We sorted it out and I promised to keep my nose out of his *shudder* surprise until he's ready to reveal it.

So yeah, I'm kinda in the doghouse right now, but I'm hoping I'm earning back points by letting him sleep until he wakes up on his day off. Cross your fingers ladies and gents!

Love and Laughter,
-Kat Lady