Look out Imelda, here I come!

Okay, so I may have stretched the truth a little about earrings being my only fashion obsession. I am also in love with shoes. Specifically heels. Which is hilarious because I look like an elephant when I try to walk in them. And I must have the least expensive, most stripper like shoe I can find. You know, the ones you only wear once, and for a short period of time for fear of cutting off the circulation to your toes...those are my favorites.

Whoa, am I seriously blogging about shoes? No, that can't be. How vapid I must seem!

Great, now I'm arguing with myself via blog. Remember, Kat Lady, you are bipolar, not schizophrenic.  Anyway, back to the subject...

I love shiny black patent heels. The ones I am looking at buying will go really awesome with my new dress and silver belt. I'll post a picture in a post after our anniversary trip because I am trying to surprise (I know, pot=kettle) Mr. Kat Lady. They will also go great with my new swimsuit-you know, the one I rambled about last post. I think I forgot to tell you it's leopard print. Not cheesy leopard print, but sexy like a cat leopard print. It makes me look like a Vargas girl. (Look it up.) I really hate swimsuit shopping, but the hubbs picked this one out and HOLY COW Bettie Page! (Look her up)

I guess I am just getting used to feeling sexy, after so many years of being assured that looking sexy would send me straight to Hades. Those flames must be licking my feet because I feel HOT! I know I sound conceited, but I am finally recovering from a serious bout of low self-esteem, and I am finally ok with my body.

Here in a minute I am going to reserve these awesome heels from a store my mother would absolutely have an apoplectic fit over. I urge you, look up the words discount and stripper, and you'll find what I'm looking at. Shocked yet?

Alrighty faithful readers, I believe I have thrown enough onslaught of verbal diahhrea (oh that's a mental picture I don't need) at y'all. Holler back at me in the comments and tell me where I can find your favorite shoe.

Ferragamos away!

Love and Laughter,
-Kat Lady

To the funny farm Jeeves!

I didn't get enough sleep today. And then I had to type a loosely coherent newspaper article for my mother. I may or may not be hallucinating that my cats are having a consensual sexual experience in the corner. Oh, no that's a hallucination. Moonie just looked at me and asked if I would mind looking somewhere else, then flipped me off. So yeah, that's gotta be my mind messing with me. I may even be writing this blog entry in a dream So anyway, if things seem off kilter it's because I only slept for 3 hours this morning.

At least I wasn't woken up by Evil Zombie Hand of the Apocalypse this morning. That was yesterday, and it was attached to my mother. Apparently 7:48 in the morning is appropriate calling time and 8 am is a good time to visit. Not in my world you old biddy! Grrr...

I got a new dress today though. My friend Biker Babe took me to Walmart and told me to buy the outfit I tried on this morning at 2 am with Owl and Mr. Kat Lady. I mean I tried it on while they were there, not actually WITH them...although they were having a blast holding up the bras and thongs to themselves while I changed. I swear, I can't take them anywhere! I also tried on an awesome swimsuit that I am picking up on Friday. It's 30 bucks, but its Catalina Suddenly Slimmer. I have a complex about my tummy. Mr. Kat Lady doesn't really care what size I am as long as I'm in good health, but I feel like I am carrying around an alcoholic Scotsman's beer belly.

I am now typing with one eye open. See what I do for you, my faithful readers? Good god this is hard to type with one eye open. Guess those high school typing classes finally paid off though...Thanks Mrs. Hanschewbacca....(What? she was REALLY hairy.)

Now I just need to find a use for Calculus. Yeah, THAT's gonna happen...lol. When I find a use I'll let you know.

Biker Babe and I also spent an inordinate amount of time at O'Reilly Auto Parts. Sorry, dude that was our cashier, you are probably better suited for a job at Walmart. As a greeter. I have seen mentally challenged people move faster and more coordinated than your lazy butt. Oh, and how's about actually having some kind of automotive knowledge? I've only been in automotive stores with my husband and with my dad, and I STILL schooled you on my friends car. Here's your sign. It says Slow Children Crossing.

Now don't get me wrong, I love mentally challenged people. My aunt (biological) is actually a member of that community. I've just never seen any of them give an excuse when something was hard. So O'Reilly's guy, pull up your panties and do your job.

I love retail. I used to work it. I am exactly the customer I hated to serve. At least I give a condescending smile though! Well, off to finish planning the anniversary weekend. Must hurry before Hurricane Shirley tries to get her hands in it.

To more sleep and less insanity,

Love and Laughter,
-Kat Lady