Brutal Honesty: The cure for Creative Lying.

My therapist and I have been discussing how I deal with situations. Beyond the fact that I am notoriously bad at expressing my feelings, I do something I like to call "Creative Lying." I can't just lie outright, there must be reasons and stories, to make it as complicated as possible. All because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Meanwhile, the soul sucking effort of trying to find a way to be nice is killing me!

How do you tell someone that their baby looks like an alien without totally insulting them and losing your friendship? Creative lying. We all do it, as being Politically Correct is more important than being honest. So instead of saying  "I think I saw your baby in Men In Black!" you say "Your baby looks out of this world!" Why not be honest and say, "your baby isn't cute yet, but I bet he/she will be when they grow into their skin." Or at the very least "What an INTERESTING baby!"

I can't just say "What an INTERESTING baby." I have to say "What an INTERESTING baby! He/She looks just like Daddy/Mommy, or even Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie (Who I imagine were VERY ugly babies as they only had 3 of their own after adopting a country or two.). " Way overboard. At this point they are staring at their babies from about every angle possible to see the resemblance. There is none.

Sometimes we lie creatively just to release ourselves from uncomfortable situations. Once, while we were at a couple's house, they began to fight. All out screaming, crying, pointing fight. At that point we needed to get out of there, so we told them we were late for dinner and scrammed. What we should have told them is that their embarrassing outburst made us uncomfortable, so we decided to leave. Or, "you're bitchfest is mighty loud, partners! Take it to the O.K. Corral and shoot it out already!" I mean it was like an afterschool special on fighting!

So I've decided, brutal honesty is going to be my cure for creative lying. Someone asks me if I like their dog, I say "No, it looks like a miniature version of Jabba the Hut." I know it sounds cruel, but it's better than lying constantly to spare someone's feelings. If I sound like a bitch, yeah, I am. I've come to terms with it, and moved to bigger and better things. *Looks up for falling house*

The only person I will have trouble with being brutally honest with is my mother. Creative lying keeps me from having to think about removing her organs one by one with a razor blade and my bare hands. "Sorry, Mom, I can't type your homework because your homework looks like it was written by a blind monkey in the midst of throwing poo." Or, "I cannot type your homework because I have a LIFE. You've made it this far, LEARN TO TYPE!" But instead of ripping her to shreds, I say "When do you need it? I haven't been feeling well so it may take a while..." As you can all tell, I have no problem with word count or time constraints. I could type it in 30 minutes. I just don't want to.

So, creative lying out, and brutal honesty in. I am looking forward to being punched in the face several times this week...lol. I'll update you and we'll see how this goes.

To being brutally honest and taking blows to the head!

Love and Laughter,
-Kat Lady

Freak Button Activate!

Everyone knows one of "those" people. The always smiling, super positive, eternal cheerleader. The one that makes you want to kick a puppy just to even things out. These people love to flock to me. It's like I'm holding a sign that says "Please drench me in maple syrup and sunshine."

I have a freak button. It flashes brightly on my forehead every time I leave the house. (and sometimes when I don't.) Any time I go ANYWHERE I am approached by the weirdest looking, strangest acting person, who promptly say they recognize me from somewhere? Where would that be? The looneybin?

Don't get me wrong, I love meeting new people, but there is a line. When a stranger walks up and hugs you, saying "you looked like you needed a hug," you tend to flinch when people take a greater than normal interest.

Then there are the needy ones.  I seem to attract these people like flies. These are the fix-me-up types. They generally are nice people with one fatal flaw. They want someone to remake them into something more than they are. My mom is one of these. They ask for favors (would you type this paper for me?), and when given one, they continue to ask for bigger greater favors (would you write my thesis for me?). Usually these questions are preceded by some terribly tragic story about their health, or their job, or their life. Being soft-hearted, I fall for this repeatedly. Anything to keep them from crying.

Gratuitous criers annoy me. These people tear up at anything. But only when someone is watching do they turn on the waterworks. It's very similar to what 3 year olds do when they are in trouble. It's not flattering in adult size. Most of the time these people are also ugly criers. Bring out the Brillo pad and scrub that face away!

And then there are the Emos. Everything sucks, I hate the world, there is no tomorrow. It's rather depressing really. This is a current fad among teens and college students. It's really honestly ridiculous and unnecessary. Move to Ethiopia. Then you can bitch.

All of these people see me, and think I'm their new best friend. Maybe it's cause I'm bipolar. Someday I'd like to lock the Emo and SuperPositive into a room and see what happens.

To finding the balance between happy and nuts!

Love and Laughter,
-Kat Lady